06.16.2010
(or well it was when I began writing this post)
When I was younger, I did things simply because I wanted to and not for some larger purpose. I loved the thrill of the endeavor itself, becoming completely absorbed in a project. Although it was often something childishly laughable such as making up my own society with my best friends and a whole hierarchy involving half of my grade at school or becoming fairly well-known on the game Club Penguin due to my youtube videos and "rare" items, there was one important theme: I became involved in the things that I did because I truly enjoyed them.
Unfortunately, since then things have taken a turn. It seems, that "everybody's been in my face, telling me I've gotta make a change, all I ever hear day and night is 'You better hurry up and get a life,'" in the words of one of my all-time favorite artists, Natalie Imbruglia. So instead of exploring what life has to offer, I've been trying to push myself to figure out what I want to do with the rest of mine. Most of my classmates seem to know what they want to become, whether it be a doctor, a lawyer, a scientist, or something else.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I'm sure everybody was asked that question as a child. I never knew what to respond. While others would exclaim "a princess!" or "a movie star!" I sheepishly muttered "I don't know." I would like to find some direction, I suppose I sort of need to. But I feel like I've been approaching this the completely wrong way.
I am somebody who loves to become completely absorbed in a project. However, my last few projects were ways of pursuing my interests... but the projects themselves were not something that really ever meant much to me, I simply began (and soon abandoned) them in hopes that they would further my interest and knowledge of the subject matter. I love fashion, clothing, the way people dress and why. This prompted me to begin a fashion blog, but my heart was never in it. I tried to create the same thing many others had, but I realized that taking good outfit photographs is terribly difficult with only a camera and tripod (no other person, or even a remote) and I didn't really enjoy writing about the lavish shoes I often spend time online or in stores ogling at.
This will be different. I am not quite sure what I want this to become yet, so for now it is simply my summer project. As time progresses I can mold and shape it as I see fit, rather than forcing it to be something which I can never make. I am very visual, and I love scrolling down blogs with tons of photos. I also enjoy writing because it is a way to express myself, and I feel like I've become too lazy and maybe I should get back to it. I will try to combine these elements and see what happens!
Now I do realize that this much text with no photographs is dreadfully boring, so I will add one. All photos on here are (will be?) taken by me unless otherwise stated. And to make it relevant... this project will prevent me from just hanging around the pool all summer(:
(Oh dear, did I just use an emoticon? And to think I was even using capital letters and punctuation...)
I fear this post is too self-centered and maybe even pretentious (just look at how many times I used the word "I"!), but I suppose a personal blog is meant to be that way. In real life, I hate to focus on myself. I wouldn't exactly call myself completely selfless, but certainly not self-centered. Sure I enjoy talking about my own life and I am a bit materialistic (which for some reason people tend to confuse with being self-centered... I don't quite understand that) but I hate to cause any problems and I'd always rather laugh anything off than start drama.
And there I go again... talking about myself.
I need to achieve a state of
and to stop rambling. As the clock continues to tick I begin to make less and less sense... when I began typing this it was a different day.
That is all (all?! hah!) for now
